#67: One Year On

This is a response to the video 'I had a black dog' released last year by the World Health Organization. If you haven't seen it, it's well worth a watch.

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I started this blog as a way to assist

Both myself and those others whose lives sorely missed

That encouraging feeling, that internal hooray

That today is not just yet another decay

I'm pleased to say that in the year that has passed

I've found something different to fly on my mast

A totem I found in a pub near King's Cross

The cheese to my cracker, Rachel to my Ross

I've found me a mad dog

She fights the good fight

She's a beacon of comfort

When there isn't much light

My mad dog envelops

The lesions of fear

But understands when

It's not best to be near

My mad dog comes over

And takes the remote

She changes the channel

And majors the note

My mad dog plays Jenga

And topples the hate

Of myself and the world

And decisions I've made

My mad dog blunts rapiers

And butters the knife

She may well have actually

Just saved my life

#66

Stomach cramps

Cramping my style

Making every metre

Seem a mile

They crush my spirit

With little warning

Restricting happy

Any morning

#65

If Orwell was prophetic

What about Brooker?

Will we see Black Mirror

In a future era? 

#64

"I only cry at movies"

Was what I used to say

The tide then turned

And I soon learned

 Tears could flow another way

#63

I've always been a pub man

As opposed to a club man

Though I do like a lot

 Of chocolate on my biscuit.

#62

Hanging.

Waiting.

Worrying.

Debating.

 Little decisions

Where I've no control

Drive me further

Into the hole.

    

#61

There's a certain joy to be had
In celebrating when I was a lad.
Take the 5ive song Keep On Movin';
To that aged 10 I was groovin'.

Then Dave J. Giles played a version
 And I felt a huge immersion
In the innocence of my youth,
 And my soul just hit the roof.
 

#60

Take it from me.

Bad mornings suck.

I'd like to put

Them in the muck.  

#59

To trust oneself

Is quite the fudge

When meh and ohh

Shape how you judge.

And on Tuesday

Came a debate

On how marriage

To legislate.

 Of course, I thought

Equal is right

And why can't they

See the same light?

To trust myself

Is a big deal

When meh and ohh

Is how I feel.

   

#58

On certain days

My brain just says:

You wanna play big?

Welcome to my office.

 

#57

This is a message

For those who desire

A means of control

And a way to set fire

To the world as they know it

To combust their bad thoughts

And add to life's value

A fat wodge of noughts.

You can do it. I've decided that.

 

#56

Tell me a story.

I want to hear trivia.

A tale of what happened

Before you did live here.

I had an adventure

Along the Welsh Marches.

I lived with Nigerians

And watched football matches.

 While Shropshire was lovely

I do prefer London.

There's cultural value

Even when bits are rundown.

  

#55

Slim and wiry?

Self-enquiry.

Did I act or blink?

An overthink.

Do my students like me?

Who cares? They're tiny.

Am I keeping moving?

Yes, your health's improving.

#54

To fill my diary's the idea;

 A happy time on every night.

As seeing people numbs the fear

A blank page is a frightening sight.

#53

The weekend is an odd invention.

And here's why - this is my contention.

For those with sadness have no break

On whichever morning that they wake.

 

   

#52

I see, lying upon my desk, Big Sur by Kerouac.
The escapology in that tome is a mindset I want back.

#51

Follow your instincts.

They're there for a reason.

Or against yourself

You may commit treason.

 

#50

Good things come to those who wait

Or those who fret and agitate.

Just as long as things you ought to do

Don't pass you by and fall askew.

#49

It was a genuine pleasure
To have onions make me cry this time.

#48

Australia Day, two-oh-oh-eight.

Five years ago today.

I took a train to Nottingham

And out we went to play.

But the memory that lingers most

Is what Jim Jefferies said

On Fighting Talk that morning

As I listened from my bed.

Ashley Cole had played away

And thrown up during. Fool.

And asking Jim to comment

Was like a red rag to a bull.

He said, "No, no. That's fair enough.

'Cause, sometimes, you need lube."

And that memory has tickled me

As I sit here on the Tube.

#47

Life is too short to live without poetry

As Francis Turner once said.

 I think I'll always think this way

Until the day I'm dead.

There's something about the structure

That means I feel at ease.

 There's something quite flirtatious in it.

I know, right? I'm a tease. 

#46

Eliminating worries

Just one at a time.

My daily motivation

As well as these rhymes.

As a Londoner student

Money can get tough.

 An additional problem

Like this isn't enough.

 But of late I've discovered

 That I still have some force

In the poker arena.

A new monetary source.

 I'm a sociable person

And I hate to say no.

But it's not always easy

 When to restaurants we go.

 It isn't my friends' fault

And they're not at all flash.

 It's just hard to spend such nights

Not worrying about cash.

I guess I'd forgotten

How easy the game is

At the fairly low levels

Where people's money they jizz.

  Perhaps one day I'll move up

And increase the stakes.

 But for now I'll appreciate

 The steady income it rakes.

 

#45

In the jungle, the mighty jungle,

The lion sleeps tonight.

In the bedroom, the quiet bedroom,

I lie awake at night.

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A-wimoweh

A whim away?

 

#44

It seems like an odd thing to say

But I've rediscovered lyrics.

 Of late they've been too honest.

Too hard-hitting. Too mystic.

 But last night, on Great Russell Street,

  As I did my best not to slip,

 The Hold Steady came on Spotify

And I didn't reach to skip.

I've spent most of my illness

With Mogwai my best friend.

 They make the world seem beautiful

 Even when I've seen the end.

 I carry them around with me

Every hour of every day.

 I have a Mogwai Young Team tat;

A shoulder-based Long Play.

 But back to Craig Finn's words of wonder.

Let's celebrate his wit.

 With the tragicomic Charlemagne

And his crude attempts to fit.

 The song that made me think again

Was track 3 from album 1.

 With the girl who tastes like pickle chips

And kids' calls for Born To Run.

 Yet all this time that words have hurt

I've found solace in the best ones.

Like the stories Stuart Murdoch tells

 In the Belle & Sebastian canon.

 And it was only just last Friday,

 When asked for my top three bands,

That Ian Dury & The Blockheads

Made it onto pondering hands.

 So what of this? What does it mean?

 Of words I've spoken freely.

 A fragile mind tends not to deal with

 That which is touchy feely.

 But since I've started this here blog,

Lucidity's come forth.

I'm just starting to see the sun

Even when I'm facing north. 

 

#43

Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint.

Dreadful dreams.

Sod them. 

#42

The writing on the packet reads

Don't use heavy machinery.

The problem is that everything

Is rather a large burden on me.

I guess I have to worry not

Of Pregnancy and breast-feeding.

However, all the rest of it

Makes interesting reading.

The side-effects have come and gone.

  I've found new ways to deal with 'em.

How long they'll be part of my life

We'll see - at least I know of 'em. 

 

#41

Museum and pancakes.

Exactly what it takes

To assist me to sleep

Appropriately deep.

 

#40

Wow, post forty, here already.

Two score on the clock.

Close to six weeks heart and soul.

And me up in the dock.

I hope the stigma's disappeared

For those who feel the same.

And that there's something happening

To help you up your game.

     

#39

I have on my iPod

An expanding playlist.

Titled Beauty and Light

It shines bright through the mist.

 Deerhunter's Desire Lines

From Halcyon Digest

Seems never to finish

And allows brain to rest.  

 And This Will Destroy You

Come powerfully with Quiet.

 While Portishead's The Rip

Is a heavenly diet.

 The nine minute long Moth

 Burial with Four Tet.

 As effortlessly calm

As a Tom Dwan fourth bet.

New Paths To Helicon.

That's Part I, not Part II.

 A bonanza of feedback.

A pleasure to walk to.